This is a bold statement, but to me skill stacking is the most important skill you need to learn to produce the kind of quality outcomes required  for living a successful and abundant life. Life coaches, businesses, and magazines all love buzz words and “skill stacking” certainly has fallen into that category. But this is not remotely new. Skill stacking is the epitome of being a polymath. That’s what we do.

Polymaths Unite

Yes, I put myself in that category. In the same category as Benjamin Franklin and Leonardo da Vinci. Dudes that could do just about anything they put their mind to because they had a virtual cornucopia of other skills that could be instantly applied to whatever that new skill or task happened to be. It’s pretty amazing to be honest.

In case you’ve been living under a rock and have no idea who these guys are, Franklin was an American statesman who served as our first Postmaster General, as a diplomat in France, he was one of the drafters of just about every major document when the country was founded, he invented things like bifocals, and started the first library in the US. He was also a prolific author and publisher and even founded the University of Pennsylvania. To name just a few things.  Leo was a painter, draughtsman, engineer, scientist, theorist, sculptor and architect. His work is incredible. Just go look it up online.

What is Skill Stacking

In short, it’s having sufficient ability in any given skill set that it can be applied to learning a new skill set. As these are collected, you’re able to more rapidly squire new skills. For example, you may be exceptional at writing and communication. So you decide to study copywriting, which is a pretty unique way of using words to persuade others. You don’t have to learn a whole new set of vocabulary, because you already have it. You just have to learn a new way to present it. Then, as you start developing your copywriting ability, you learn wordpress so you can write blogs. This turns into building out websites. Next, you may need a video, so you apply your communication skills to writing the script, which is just another form of writing and communication. Because you’ve done lots of power point presentations, you are able to use those skills to apply it to using a a teleprompter and speak on camera. And so it goes. In short, it’s just an approach to learning and doing new things that helps you become better today than you were yesterday.

That list may look like:

• Organization skills
• Discipline
• Writing
• Public speaking
• Teaching
• Marketing

And so on. You get the gist.

What Skill Stacking Isn’t

It isn’t perfect mastery. Consider this: it takes about 20 hours to learn a new skill at a basic level. For instance, I can fly planes. And I learned to solo in about 20 hours. But if you want to be a professional commercial pilot, you’re looking at like 20,000 hours (yes, you read that correctly) before you can really be considered a master. Skill stacking is not becoming a master in each subject. You need to be good enough, but at some point you need to move on to the next topic.

What My Skill Stack Looks Like

I’ve spent decades learning new things. I am addicted to school (or, rather, education). I take formal classes, and I study on my own. In every respect, I’m what is known as an autodidact. That is, I know how to learn independently. As a result, I have a pretty varied and advanced set of skills. I am good at all kinds of things, and I jokingly say I am a jack of all trades master of most.

Okay, I just said that skills stacking isn’t mastery. Correct. However, you can get pretty dang close if you keep doing the same kinds of skills or skills that are synergistic in nature. Eventually, you get so good at it that you look pretty much like someone who has mastered a given skill set. Albeit, you won’t be as good as someone who is specialized. But you know what, that person who is specialized will be very limited to that one speciality. That’s the nature of the game.

My personal skill stack includes communication skills that include the ability to speak publicly, present on TV or in video, write in a variety of formats such as books, articles, scripts, and copywriting. Playing off the previous list, my communications ability includes persuasion, sales, marketing, and advertising. I can use photoshop, illustrator, indesign, final cut, davinci, powerpoint, and so on.

I can drive or operate almost anything including motorcycles, cars, off road vehicles, large trucks (lorries), boats, planes, backhoes, diggers, and so on. I can build things like house framing, drywalling, and make wood and metal products using a variety of tools including lathes and milling machines. I can build apps, program in PHP, HTML, C, Python, and others. The list is extensive. And every time I learn something new, it generally crosses paths with something else I learned before it.

The communication skills made it really easy for me to become an instructor. Once I started teaching one topic, I was able to very easily move to another topic. As I learned new topics, I was able to teach those too. Because I’m good at breaking down information and sharing it, I was able to pick up new topics fast. In fact, I learned if I teach a topic I learn it at much higher rate. That’s why I believe in co-teaching, which is a technique I use to teach instructor candidates in all kinds of fields from medical courses (like CPR, ACLS, etc) to scuba diving and martial arts.

What Does Your Skill Stack Look Like

Really, you have to decide what you want to do. If you sit down and logically think about it, it’s not hard to realize where cross overs are. Are you interested in marketing? Want to write a book? Well, do it; sit down and write for an hour a day. Apply yourself, and you’ll see the fruit of that effort. Embracing and learning the widest range of topics, interests, and activities is how you become a polymath. Just pick a topic and go for it. Dig in. Look to invest at least 20 hours on it. Do something every single day. Before you know it, you’ll know a ton about a ton.

We’ve all got relatives, friends, co-workers, or acquaintances whose behavior often defies logic. They’re emotional, draining, and by definition—toxic. The problem with these people is they’re infectious like a disease, and if you’re not careful—they can utterly and completely destroy you.

It is a truism that you become exactly like the people you surround yourself with. If you hang with alcoholics in a bar all day and all night, it won’t be long before you’ll need to stand up in front of a small group, introduce yourself, and proclaim your affliction too. It’s human nature. Choose your friends carefully.

Here’s a list of 10 Toxic People You Should Get Rid Of, just like you would a cancer—if you want to be successful.

1. The Pretender

This person loves to act like they’re intelligent and educated, but they’re not. The popular colloquialism kids in high school liked to use for a short period of time when I was growing up was a “perpetrator”.

To be clear, I’m not talking about someone who lacks intellect due to a disability. I’m talking about people who are arrogant, egotistical, and self-righteous. The kind of person who loves to sound intelligent, but isn’t.

2. The Emotional Vampire

These are the kind of people you meet in a grocery store, and they suddenly show up at your door step the next morning with all four of their kids, at 7am, and then stay all day bitching about their life. They’re a constant drain; always negative, always complaining, and always there.

3. The Freeloader

We’ve all had that friend—the one who’s in a perpetual state of broke. There’s nothing wrong with falling on hard times or being skint, as the Scots like to say, because you’re in-between jobs. The Freeloader though doesn’t even try; they’re broke because the choose to be. They won’t get a job or they spend their money on the wrong things—and expect friends like you to pick up the tab.

4. The Busy-Body and Gossip

There’s nothing worse than people who talk about other people. At the time of writing this, I live on a small island where everyone knows everybody, and consequently—everything about each other. At least they think so.

When I was in Haiti I walked past a church and read the following:

Great People Talk About Ideas
Average People Talk About Things
Small People Talk About Other People

I liked it so much I made a t-shirt with that on it and wear it around proudly.

Gossip is bad for everyone—including the person who engages in it. In Scripture we’re told that we shouldn’t even talk about a deaf person. That’s not because the deaf person will hear you and be hurt by it, but because of the profound damage it does to you—if you gossip.

5. The Fundamentally Lazy

If you lack drive, you’re never going to reach your full potential. Not even close. Not even a fraction of it. Sitting around all day smoking pot and watching TV is a terrible waste of your life. Hand around people like this and it won’t be long before your drive diminishes and your quality of life tanks.

6. The Naysayer

Never, ever, ever listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t do something or be the person you want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all that tall so if I told you I wanted to be a professional basketball player for the Lakers, I’d not be offended if you said I was high. That’s not being a naysayer, that’s being pragmatic. If you countered with, “Well James, I don’t think you’d ever realistically play on the court, but you could own the team…”, you and I would probably be friends for life. There is a difference.

7. The Big Talker

As a society, we love to talk about living our dreams. About being something big or living a different life. Some people just love to talk. They talk a big game, but never act on anything. They just never do.

8. The Depressed Hypochondriac

Ugh. If I hear one more person on Facebook talk about their fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome I’m going to remove myself from social media entirely. Those are really a lazy doctor’s “other box” for when they can’t find a legitimate diagnosis or causation. And far too often, because they have “no known cause”, no direct testing protocols, and almost no differential diagnosis,  fakers and whiners who really need a shrink, not more medication, are able to slide in and suddenly become ill.

My advice is to stay away from anyone who has a high-school education, but seems to know more about symptoms and treatments for a virtual cornucopia of ambiguous illnesses than any physician can. Cyberchondriac are now a dime a dozen; the internet has given people like this a great opportunity to take advantage of others.

9. The Victim

This person never takes personal responsibility for anything—ever. It’s always someone else’s fault that they’re experiencing struggles in life. The blame, blame, and blame some more without ever looking in the mirror once.

10. The Control Freak

This person manipulates everything and everyone around them to get their needs met. They always want it their way and seldom if ever compromise. They’re particularly toxic because they can be a significant hinderance to your progress in life.

Every self-help coach, guru, and teacher on the planet will tell you the importance of writing your goals down on paper. I first heard this espoused by Zig Ziglar at one of his seminars in the late 80s, then later this was reinforced by Tony Robbins when I bought some of his tapes. It really is a universal truth.

I earned my MBA some years ago, but I’ve often felt it wasn’t the best use of my time or money. Especially since much of what I’ve become exceptional at, had nothing to do with the classes I took in business school. Mark McCormack in his book What They Don’t Teach You in the Harvard Business School, echoes some of my own thoughts, but points out something incredibly interesting from a study of the graduates from there. According to McCormack, Harvard discovered that 3% of graduates are more successful than the remaining 97% combined. WHy was that? Well, you may be ahead of me, but here’s the answer.

In 1979, interviewers asked new MBA grads “Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?”. This is what they found:

• 84% didn’t have specific goals at all
• 13% did have goals but had not written them down
• 3% did have clear, written goals and plans to accomplish them

In 1989, they re-interviewed the grads and found these interesting results:

• The 13% of the class who had goals were earning, on average, twice as much as the 84 percent who had no goals at all.
• The 3% who had clear, written goals were earning, on average, ten times as much as the other 97 percent put together.

Similar studies in academia have discovered similar results. For example, Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, found that 42% of her study participants were more likely to achieve their goals just by writing them down on paper. Of course, the actual percentage of people in life who will sit down and write out their goals list is fairly tiny when compared to those who will drift through life like a boat without a rudder.

I made my first goal list in 1990, with an aggressive follow up in 1993. I had 242 things on that list, and I’ve done every one of them. For instance, my initial list included the following:

• Write a book (accomplished in 2003)
• Become a Defensive Tactics Instructor (accomplished in 1993)
• Travel to Japan (accomplished in 1991)
• Buy my first new car (accomplished in 1991)
• Attend the police academy (accomplished in 1993)
• Start a family (accomplished in 1994)
• Learn to fly (accomplished in 1995)

And so on. I didn’t check them all off at once mind you, but I did check them off. Of course, that list changed as things were knocked out or removed in favor of something else, and new things were added as I developed new interests. I’ve re-written my list every single year now for more than twenty years—and I continue to check things of, even as recently as today.

It’s important to point out that your list will reflect what’s important or valuable to you at that moment, and that will change as you accomplish more, do more, and become more than you were. Your values, interests, and ideals will change. But if you never develop a clear list in the first place, you’re never going to enjoy those accomplishments that will help you become the person you can become. Here’s why:

1. Writing your goals down will force you to be more specific

As someone who’s dabbled in flying aircraft around, I know from experience that having a plan is way better than not. If I want to fly to SFO from LAX, I have to pass through different controlled airspace, I need to know how much fuel, what the weather conditions are like, and a plethora of other important things. If I just got in a plane and took off without a plan, I could find myself in a heap of trouble quick like. In other words, you need a destination in mind—and that’s what a goal is. Writing them down forces you to be specific.

2. Writing your goals down will help keep you motivated

Contrary to what some people believe, being motivated isn’t enough to accomplish your goals—but it is a start. An important one. If you lose motivation, you’re simply not going to continue forward. The list helps in this respect; it allows you to visualize and as you check things off (I break my list down into easier to manage tasks) you get to see thing happening. The list reminds me and helps keep me focused. But ultimately, without action—you’ll get nowhere. Imagine if you made a flight plan, but never actually got into a plane and took off. Make sense?

3. Writing your goals down will help you overcome resistance

Anyone who’s ever had goals understands that at some point, someone, is going to say you can’t do it. Maybe even your own inner voice. Every goal encounters opposition—it’s just the nature of things. From the moment you declare you’re going to do something, you can bet someone is going to declare you’re crazy, stupid, a moron, that you can’t, can’t can’t. Ignore them. Reviewing your list daily once when you get up in the morning and just before you go to bed helps stave off the feelings you’ll experience that maybe they’re right—and you’re wrong. Reviewing your list helps keep you focused and charging forward. It keeps the goal fresh on your mind, and that’s critical to success.

4. Writing your goals down will reveal other opportunities

Like I said, my first list had 242 things on it. At the time, all of them made sense for who I was back then, and what I wanted to do in my life. As I did more and more, as I checked them off, those experiences opened up doors for all kinds of other things. Doing the things on your goals list will help you meet new people, go new places, experience new cultures—and all of those things introduce you to other things you may want to do. New goals come from accomplishing those first goals.

5. Writing your goals down will help you overcome resistance

Coming back a bit to being motivated, the list will allow you to track your progress. As I touched on, you get to see things get checked off. You get to experience and celebrate the accomplishment of these goals—and that helps keep you on track. It’s like when you run a race, each mile marker helps you see your progress and understand how much more you have to do to finish.

Suggested books:

• Do the Work (on overcoming resistance)
• What They Don’t Teach You in the Harvard Business School

Don’t believe the hype or the biased “scientific studies” floating around in academia—men and women are not the same. We’re totally different creatures, all the way down to our chromosomes. That’s a matter of fact, not opinion. That doesn’t mean we don’t have similarities or even cross-over behaviors, but we’re not carbon copies of one another.

We humans learn behaviors from one another. We copy each other. We mimic. We’re subject to socialization. We’re programmed every day, from the moment we land in the doctor’s catcher’s mitt to think and act in ways that others want us to. Some of what we’re told or modeled is good. Some, middle of the road. And other stuff is down right dangerous to our identity.

The proverbial “man’s man” will have you believe that you need to play sports, grab your junk, womanize, drink, get in to fights, and have lots of money—to be a man. Who cares if you have a beard or can grow a mustache. That’s all total and utter nonsense. A feminist will have you believe you need to sit around with other women and gossip, braid each other’s hair, and otherwise adopt a decidedly feminine persona and abandon your natural male inclinations—to be a man. That’s also total and utter nonsense.

Unfortunately, there’s really nothing preventing these social pressures and our tendency to mimic others from leading us down either one of these truly destructive paths. From a very young age boys can easily become hyper-masculine or cross over gender lines where their masculinity is entirely extinguished—simply because they’re bombarded with the wrong messages and told to follow the wrong examples.

The key to survival then in a world with ever shifting views is to build your foundation on rock, not sand. Ignore the so-called experts and talking heads and take the time to discover what it actually means to be man—then put it into daily practice. You’re in charge. So here’s 5 Characteristics of Real Men that have stood the test of time, and can help you get started down the right path to:

1. A real man puts women and children first

When a ship starts to sink, real men put the women and children in the lifeboats first.

It’s just who we are.

When there’s a hostage situation, negotiators try to get women and children set free first.

It’s what society expects.

If someone breaks into our home, men tend to confront the bad guys.

That’s because men instinctively protect women.

As comedian Bill Burr says in one of his sets—there’s no such thing as a feminist in a house fire. And I don’t believe it’s disrespectful, chauvinistic, or bigoted to always put women first, treat them with respect, empower and support them, and protect them from harm. We may not always get it right, but we sure as hell should do our best to.

2. A real man isn’t afraid to show his emotions

Whomever first said men shouldn’t cry or show their emotions should be tarred and feathered, or at the very least waterboarded for a few days and forced to listen to Nickleback. Men have emotions just like women do. We may express them differently sometimes, but we have them all the same. Stuffing them down, hiding them, or pretending we don’t experience pain, anger, frustration, hurt, anxiety, sadness, and virtual cornucopia of other feelings is pure stupidity. And frankly, it’s not good for our psyche. Repressed feelings lead to all manner of mental problems.

In Homer’s The Iliad the hero Odysseus wept for his home, his loved ones, and for his friends who had died. The Bible is replete with stories of strong men who cried openly after experiencing loss. Medieval Japanese epics like The Tale of Heike reveal warriors who cried for their fallen comrades. Crying or expressing one’s emotions doesn’t mean we’re weak, pathetic, or feminine. We can still be the bastions of stability and share our feelings.

I’ve cried many times after dealing with significant carnage in the wake of disasters. I responded to a helicopter accident and watched a friend of mine burn to death—despite doing everything I could to save him, it wasn’t meant to be. I broke down. I’ve cried when people in my care died from their wounds. I’ve cried when my friends were killed in combat. I’ve cried when relationships have soured. I cried when my dog passed away. Hell, I sometimes cry at commercials. Real men cry, and it reveals strength of character; It reveals our humanity.

For the record though—there’s no crying in baseball. Ask Tom Hanks.

3. A real man doesn’t give up easily

That’s not to say there aren’t times you shouldn’t give up, especially after considering all of the options carefully. Sometimes you need to change directions—and that’s perfectly acceptable. But real men don’t give up easily. They don’t just throw the towel in because they got beat up a bit. They don’t quit when things get tough—they press on, persist, and persevere in the face of often overwhelming odds.

Being successful at anything (business, life, relationships, et cetra) requires effort; it’s is a process and all processes take time. Nothing worth having is every easy. Winston Churchill said that, “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” That’s always stuck with me. History is chalk full of wonderful examples of men who kept trying and eventually, after falling short over and over again, got where they ultimately wanted to go.

Consider someone like President Lincoln or Thomas Edison. The former failed miserably at multiple political campaigns until eventually being voted into the most powerful position in the United States. Had he quit after a few defeats, he’d never have been in office to help preserve the Union or free African Americans from the bonds of slavery. The latter, as you may have read before when asked by a newspaper reporter if he felt like a failure after having tried more than 9,000 times to invent the incandescent lightbulb simply said, “Why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitely over 9,000 ways an electric lightbulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp.”

4. A real man takes responsibility for his actions

Nobody, myself included, truly relishes the idea of being wrong. Real men don’t like to make mistakes—especially if that mistake is embarrassing or harmful to others. But a real man embrace them, take full responsibility for them, and uses the opportunity to grow. If I’m honest, I used to have a real problem with this particular characteristic when I was younger. Throughout my childhood up into my early twenties, I didn’t like to admit I was wrong—ever. Ironically, I mistakenly saw mistakes as weakness—and it cost me dearly.

Men who always have to be right suck to be around. They make the worst friends, husbands, and fathers. That pride, or whatever it is—is one of the worst behaviors a man can adopt. I know, I lost friends, damaged relationships with women I cared deeply for, and I lost opportunities that I might have otherwise enjoyed if I had pulled my head out of my ass earlier. But there’s good news—we all have the ability to change.

I eventually woke up and saw the error of my ways. Now, I’m happy to admit when I’m wrong, take responsibility, and seek to correct things. The sting of being wrong, of failing, or making mistakes is nothing compared to the damage being prideful can cause in every area of your life. I’ve learned that it’s exceedingly beneficial to me and others around me if I stop, take stock of my decisions, evaluate the results—and take responsibility for them. You should to.

5. A real man asks for and accepts help

Too often good men wait too far long to ask for help, if they ever ask for help. This is especially true if they’re dealing with emotional struggles. For example, the rate of suicide among military veterans in the US and UK is absolutely astounding. In large part that’s because men are told not to be “weak” and that asking for help is tantamount to being a pussy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Real men understand that we can carry heavier loads together. In Proverbs 27:17 we’re told that as iron sharpens iron, men sharpen other men. That is, we can help each other be better men; we can hold each other accountable, lift each other up when we fall, and encourage each other to move forward. Scripture also tells us that a wise man has many counselors—so real men ask for, seek out, and accept advice from people who can offer guidance.

That’s help by definition—and it’s a good thing!